


who knew love could be so cold

by emeraldsapphic



Series: you, me, and the songs that keep me up at night; [4]
Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Friends to Lovers, Fuckbuddies, It's Daniel's turn to suffer, Jos Verstappen's A+ Parenting, M/M, Michael Italiano makes a small appereance as the voice of truth, or: fuckboy daniel falls in love for the first time
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-15
Updated: 2020-11-15
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:26:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,166
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27577832
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emeraldsapphic/pseuds/emeraldsapphic
Summary: Just like in every good plan, it came back to that one person fucking everything up.And out of everyone, Daniel would have never thought he'd have fallen for the ice-cold boy who shot daggers with a simple glance.
Relationships: Daniel Ricciardo/Max Verstappen
Series: you, me, and the songs that keep me up at night; [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1973971
Comments: 20
Kudos: 105





	who knew love could be so cold

**Author's Note:**

> a long time ago an anon asked me 'can you write an angsty maxiel fic, but this time make daniel suffer?' took me literally weeks. apparently i love making max suffer but cannot make daniel go through the same. this is soft angst. couldn't bear to go harder on daniel.
> 
> maybe one day i'll learn. 
> 
> also seb podium with his gaylmet on! and living legend lewis hamilton making history again :,) - i love my dads <3
> 
> anyway enough of me, enjoy!
> 
> inspired by arctic monkeys’ “do i wanna know”

Daniel was not going to cry over love. Never.  
He wasn't the one to date, let alone love someone.  
He had always refused to believe he would ever fall for someone.  
He had refused, and yet, he was staring at the ceiling, music playing from his old iPod - the only love of his life - thinking about where everything had gone wrong.

His plan had been simple: he'd focus his young years on his career. He was sure racing was his ultimate life goal, his dream - hell, he had given up everything for it - and _then_ he'd think about love _if_ he had the time and _if_ he had the patience for it.

But, just like in every good plan, it came back to that one person fucking everything up.

And out of everyone, Daniel would have never thought he'd have fallen for the ice-cold boy who shot daggers with a simple glance.

_Have you no idea that you're in deep?  
I've dreamt about you nearly every night this week_

Everything had started with a few confused dreams. Years before. Back when they were still teammates.  
Hazy and confused thoughts.  
Most of them had started leaving a bitter aftertaste that stained his mind as he opened his eyes. But they'd usually fade as he woke up properly, and disappeared completely during the day.

Then, as the months progressed, the dreams about his teammate - now a young man - started lingering in his memory, carrying his confusion throughout the day. And the nights became longer, and the thoughts more intrusive, and his heart heavier.

_How many secrets can you keep?_

Max was young, but not dumb or naive, and definitely _not_ innocent.  
He had known. Daniel hadn't been that obvious about it, but Max somehow could always read him like an open book.

So, one night, Max had sat closer than usual on Daniel's sofa as they watched a football match - between who Daniel hadn't even cared enough to remember - with his feet on the coffee table in front of them and his elbow pressing on Daniel's side.

Daniel had shifted a bit, trying to leave him some space, thinking Max wasn't comfortable enough.  
But the man next to him shifted too. He had curled up in a ball, and he had looked so small - so damn small that Daniel had felt the urge to embrace him whole and never let him go.

But Max wasn't small. He was a brat, a devilish form sent from hell to torture him on earth. A sick joke.  
So he had leaned in, rested his head on Daniel's shoulder, and his hand on Daniel's thigh. 

"A shame you always cover that tattoo."

"What, you like it?" 

A devilish grin. Satanic fingers traveled up and down, "And how can I say, when I have not seen it fully, yet?"

From that conversation, the teasing began.  
And Max was a brat. He loved messing with Daniel. He thrived off of it.

Lingering hands on Daniel's thigh whenever - and wherever - they sat next to each other. Grins, inside jokes, muffled laughs, glares from Christian in a crowded meeting room.

Then, another night, after one too many beers, his secret had slipped out. 

"Oi, oi, Daniel. Fucking your teammate, your worst enemy? That's naughty." He said with a grin as he sat on his lap, playing with the strings of his hoodie.

Daniel widened his eyes. It had slipped out somehow - _"You're too hot to handle and driving me insane, Max."_

So from that night, the naughty began.

Daniel didn't know where things had gone wrong.  
After all, it was supposed to be sex, casual nights when and if they felt like it. 

They had agreed it would have been a great way to get rid of the lingering tension between them on and off track. Everyone was going to benefit from that, even the team.

Michael had never thought of it as a good idea.

"You're gonna regret it. He is not me. He's not any of your girls. I see a difference that you don't want to accept."

"What does that mean?"

Michael had just shrugged and left it at that. Only months later, Daniel realized what his best friend had meant.

_Well, fuck. Too late now, Michael._

_'Cause there's this tune I found  
That makes me think of you somehow, and I play it on repeat _

Daniel was staring at the ceiling, lying still on his back - something he never did - exhausted by feelings he never thought he'd develop.

Because, again, it had started as sex, simple nights of mind-blowing sex, that had gone out of control, somehow and sometime, that Daniel couldn't quite place.

Everything changed.

The way they sneaked around, the way they kissed, the way they looked at each other, the way Daniel's heart beat, even the way they argued. 

Max got angrier, cried harder, but also apologized more, blamed himself more.

And Daniel somehow fell in love, in the midst of it all.

Daniel hated it. He didn't do love.  
Because love meant pain, and he had never dealt with it well enough. 

How many times had he cried already? And over who?  
A stupid boy that grew up too fast and not at all the same time.  
A man that moaned his name even in Daniel's dreams.  
The ex-teammate who had almost fucked his career a couple of times.

Out of everyone, Daniel didn't think he would have fallen for the ice-cold boy who warmed up whenever he smiled.

Because Max was beautifully flawed, and Daniel recognized a part of him no one ever saw, and he felt the luckiest man alive.  
No one knew how Max's eyes warmed up when Daniel told him how well he did on the track.

But no one else saw the part of Max that trembled when a particular name was casually thrown around in conversation either. 

Daniel had seen it once, the terror in the frozen eyes of the ice-cold boy. 

"Does your father know that you're- you know?"

From that answerless question, Daniel had never dared to ask Max about his father again.  
He never wanted to see his terrified eyes ever again. Once was quite enough. He was sure his heart would freeze if there had to be a second time. 

_Crawlin' back to you  
Ever thought of callin' when  
You've had a few?  
'Cause I always do _

Daniel so desperately wanted to call him and tell him how much he missed him, how much he loved him.

Because he loved him so hard - so fucking hard - and there was nothing he could do about it. He had tried to forget him when he had decided to leave Red Bull, or in 2019, or in the months he was in Australia. But it was hard when the man lived so close to him, and it was hard when Daniel was powerless to his charm, incapable of resisting his lips.

And Daniel was tired, exhausted from running away. Exhausted by their secret nights. It had gone on for too long - three years? -technically less - but in Daniel's mind, it felt like thirty.

With him, Daniel had lived so many lives.

_Maybe I'm too  
Busy bein' yours  
To fall for somebody new  
Now, I've thought it through_

A text - a simple question - Are you awake?  
But Daniel's heart couldn't handle it. 

_No, I am asleep and replying from a dream_ \- He would have answered if his hands weren't shaking and if his lungs weren't on fire. Instead, he sent a quick yes and waited for a knock he knew was coming.

"Hi." A quiet, timid voice, Daniel had heard a few times. "I am sorry. I-"

"Hey, Come in." He quickly invited Max inside, somehow scared that if he had let him go, he would have never seen him again. "What's wrong?"

"I just felt- I don't know- alone, I guess." 

The trembling boy in front of him had had a terrible night - nightmares probably. Daniel could bet his Mclaren seat on it.

"But you are not alone." He wanted to slap himself, cursing his mouth for saying too much already.

"Am I not?" 

Daniel didn't dare reply with words, instead, he kissed Max and led him on his sofa - as they were used to - the bed felt too personal most of the time.

Max kissed slowly and confidently - as usual - knowing where to touch, where to hold, and where to grasp.

"Wait." Max stopped and stared at Daniel's eyes for a few seconds.

"What?"

"Have you been crying?" 

"Don't worry about that now." Daniel cursed to himself, the low moonlight betraying him like this. 

It was dark - Max wasn't supposed to see.  
It was unusual - Max wasn't supposed to care.

"No, no, no," he insisted. "We're not doing this if you don't tell me what's wrong."

"Max," Daniel warned. _Don't get us - me - in an even bigger mess._

"Daniel." Max was a brat, he was spoiled - no, not spoiled - that wasn't fair - he was stubborn. He wasn't going to let go easily.

"Why do you care?" It wasn't aggressive, it was genuine and curious.

"We're friends!" 

Daniel's heart broke. Why did he seem such a kid now, under the pale moonlight, when seconds before he could have torn Daniel's heart open with hands?  
"Friends don't fuck each other, Max." 

"So, I just don't matter to you?" 

Suddenly Daniel was holding a lovesick kid, one he had seen only a couple times before. The simple sight of Max's vulnerability made him want to match it, so he did. 

"You matter more than you will ever know," he admitted, looking down. "That's what's going on."

"Let me know," Max asked.  
"Please." He insisted.  
" _Daniel._ " He begged.

"We didn't agree to this." He was so exhausted, tired of the tight feeling in his chest.

"This what?" 

"It was supposed to be sex, goddamnit!" He fought every inch of his body urging him to get up and leave. "It wasn't supposed to end up- I wasn't supposed to-" Somehow, tears made their way back to him.

"Daniel?" A broken voice. Concerned, low, soft. His name from his lips, the sweetest sound. Honey.

"I fucking love you. And that wasn't supposed to happen." It came out like a storm, like a tornado he had been running away from for years. It rushed out and it didn't seem to want to stop. 

"But it did. And that's why- Why are you smiling?"

"You're an idiot." Max's eyes lit up, accompanied by a shy smile.

"Well, thanks." 

"I love you." 

"What?" 

"I love you. Are you deaf now as well?" Max scoffed, his smile gained confidence, and he laughed, but his eyes were as sweet as Daniel had ever seen them.

"You do?" He asked, breathless. Max's words were muffled in his ears.

"Yeah, you dumbass. I-" Max held Daniel's cheek as he spoke.  
"I've been feeling bad about all of this for a while." Daniel could barely hear him.  
"Cause I've always loved you, but I knew- I mean, I thought you weren't interested in anything more." He chuckled softly, and Daniel leaned into his hand, taking his words in one by one. Sinking in Max's confession.  
"But I kept going with it anyway, and it felt like I was taking advantage of you. Like I was using you."

Neither of them said anything for a few moments. Silence had never been sweeter.

"We really are two idiots, huh?" Daniel's signature grin made his way back.

"How long?" 

"I don't know, honestly. A while, maybe a year? I don't know. I think I was in denial." He laughed again at himself. That was an understatement.

Max, on the other hand, remembered every detail. "The night you came into my room and woke me up from a nightmare. Remember that time in Malaysia? You held me and said nothing, but you didn't need to, because for the first time - in my life really - I felt loved."

"Wow, I-"

"I know you didn't- you didn't love me back then. We were barely friends. But it felt like it."

"Maybe I've always loved you."

"I've hurt you so much." 

Max's words were shaking and breaking Daniel's heart.

"You've also been hurt so much."

_Do I wanna know  
If this feelin' flows both ways?_

Daniel kissed him, and it felt as if it were the first time.  
It was the first time it mattered. They were going to start again. From the beginning. Not as each other's secret nights, but as each other's.

"Daniel, I might die. Is this a dream?" 

"No, Max. I am real, you're real."

_Sad to see you go  
Was sorta hopin' that you'd stay_

"Will you stay this time?" 

It had been a rule. Once. Seemed so dumb looking back. It had been pointless, after all. Daniel had fallen in love anyway.

_Baby, we both know_  
_That the nights were mainly made_  
_For sayin' things that you can't say tomorrow day_

"I will stay forever."

**Author's Note:**

> hope you liked it! this is the fourth installment in my new series, each fic a work by itself, inspired by a different song. 
> 
> feedback always helps! :)
> 
> find me on tumblr: [@racinglesbian](https://racinglesbian.tumblr.com/)


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